Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
