We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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