I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
