I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
