remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My dick has a subreddit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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