grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
