Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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