I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
