The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it glows. i had to have it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
