I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
