whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize