you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
