haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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