I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
