i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
