We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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