well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm bleeding and have questions
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
