You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
