Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
