just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
