Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
