Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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