a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
