he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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