i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
