do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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