just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
