matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
