He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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