just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize