I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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