Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
