I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
