the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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