I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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