My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
