Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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