I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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