so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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