Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
