she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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