And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
