What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
