marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
