i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
