That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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