She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
