sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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