she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
