GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
