so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
