final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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