Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
