Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize