ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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