So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
