I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
