I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
