Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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