fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize