Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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