I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
