We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
