I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
