He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
