I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
