had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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