oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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