How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize