I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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