Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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