i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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