im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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