The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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