I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
