We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
