I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
