I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
