Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
